All right... so I suppose you need a little bit of back story.  Sit down... this'll be a doozy.
So.... the reason I am starting this blog is because I hate all that "fitspiration" crap.  All those little slogans on Pinterest and Facebook like: "Eat Clean/ Train Dirty" and "The only workout you'll regret is the one you don't do" and "Be sore today, not sorry tomorrow" just irritate the living hell out of me!  I CANNOT STAND IT.  And then there are all the transformation pictures.  I hate those too.  While I am happy for those in the pictures, I don't know them.  I can't celebrate those victories as they have nothing to do with me or my journey.  Those people weren't there for me when I was eating that entire chocolate cake.  Those people weren't there for me when I made two pots of spaghetti, covered them in Ragu sauce and ate all that in one sitting.

Let me back track a minute here.  I said (many times) that I have an unhealthy relationship with food.  And I do.  Allow me to break down what I have actually done to myself... when I realized that I practically had a binge eating disorder.

That morning I ate 3 large cinnamon sugar banana pancakes and followed that with an even
larger bowl of cereal.  I had another bowl of cereal later on as a snack.  Then I had some snack cakes (that I had been hording in the car) on my way to the store.  At the store I purchased more snack cakes and ate some (I hid the rest in the car).  For dinner I made myself an entire 8oz box of spaghetti swimming in Ragu.  Ate that, and then I had the other snack cakes hiding in the car.  And before bed, I ate another bowl of cereal.

ARE YOU KIDDING?  Who the hell does that??????  *points at self*  This one does.  And did for a long time.  I didn't realize how guilty it made me feel. And how I only did that on days I was alone in the house because deep down I knew how wrong it was.  No one knew how bad I had gotten and when I tried to tell them they didn't believe me.
"You're exaggerating."
"Lots of people eat too much."
"Whatever.  Just go workout or something."
"That's not a real problem."
"Just stop then."

WHAT?  I didn't really get much help from anyone.  Except, my boyfriend who so ingeniously asked, "What are you gonna do about it?"  Hmmm.  What, indeed?  What does a chronic over eater do?  What does someone who drowns her stress and sorrows and her joys and triumphs into food do? 

So that brings me here.  What to do?  All the positive stuff doesn't work.  My previous attempts blew up in my face.  I'm pretty sure I have devised a fool proof tactic.  Just not quite ready to reveal it yet.  You'll need more back story first... just a teeny bit more, I promise.  So for now, I'm food's psycho ex-girlfriend, and tonight I'm going to look at all our old pictures and cry.